Resolutions

Kassy: Everyone’s talking about them, only some people are actually doing them, but when the calendar flips, they’re pretty much everywhere.  Yeah, I’m talking about New Years’ Resolutions.  I never really made resolutions in the past.  And if I did, I didn’t keep them—willpower is not my strong point.  Last year, a friend posted a list of 100 things she wanted to accomplish in 2010.  Her list ranged from the number of books she wanted to read to simple lifestyle changes and larger accomplishments.  I liked it, so I decided to create my own.  Not nearly as ambitious as she, I went for 25.  How many did I actually accomplish?  A few.  I got my alwaystattoo.  I drew more… and started painting, too.  I began to truly try to (and continue to) embrace my number 19: Be genuine.  And I succeeded in making (and so far keeping) more than one new friend.

Looking back on last year’s resolutions I realized that most of them are still idealistic goals in the back of my mind.  If they improved in the last year, they can certainly continue to improve, and if they didn’t… well, they’re still on my to-do list, so to speak.  At the beginning of this year, I set only one goal for myself.  My single resolution for 2011 is something that was on my list last year, but I completely failed to do: a combination of numbers 8 (Panic less) and 16 (Be fearless).  Despite that resolution, fear is something that sort of took over my life in 2010.  Things that used to just bother me (like spiders) suddenly made me panic.  And I got to know really well that heart-fluttering gut-wrenching moment of pure fear—in the most absurd and UN-SCARY situations.  I’ve come to not only hate that feeling, but to fully realize how exhausting it is.  So, in 2011, my graduation year, I am going to CONQUER FEAR.  Okay, probably not.  Especially because I’m scared of, well, a LOT.  But even if I can overcome just ONE fear, I could eliminate all of the stress it would cause every time I encountered it for the rest of my life. 

Last week, I made a list of the biggest things I am afraid of.  Things like heights and the dark, but also things like driving at night, and going out on a date (Yeah, unfortunately, I’m not kidding).  Then, I burned it.  (Then I panicked about my mother asking me why the kitchen smelled like a campfire when she got home from work.)  Possibly, burning a piece of Campbell stationery I got at orientation three and a half years ago will do absolutely nothing to change my list of fears.  But I like the idea of watching the flames eat away at the paper, the way panic eats away at me.  Because see, the paper WAS the panic, and now, it has been officially burned away.

Sam: I’m a list-maker. At any given time, I have several lists scattered throughout my room. There’s the urgent list by my alarm clock next to my bed. The less-urgent-but-still-needs-done-in-a-timely-manner list written in marker on my mirror, the clothes shopping list on my ipod, the grocery list, and the I’ll-write-this-down-but-I’ll-never-actually-get-around-to-doing-it list at the bottom of my purse. Like I said, I’m a big fan of lists.

That being said, I rarely make New Years resolutions. I support the idea of people bettering themselves, but in order to keep a resolution, the decision has to be made because the person wants to make it, not because everyone else is making resolutions.

Resolutions made on New Years are inherently unreliable. Come February, you’re back to smoking, running shoes lay forgotten under your bed, and you’ve only read one book from your reading list.

My resolutions usually come at the beginning of the school year (a true testament to my nerdiness). To me, renewal always seems to come once I start another year of school. It’s where a majority of my friends are. It’s where I work (as a full time student), and where I play (not often, but it’s been known to happen). I always feel slightly different when I head back to school. I left as an underclassman and now I’m coming back older, wiser, and tanner. It’s a chance to change, and for me, there’s no better time to make a resolution (or twelve).

Now that I’m done with school, I’m not exactly sure when I’m going to make resolutions. I guess I’ll just have to make them whenever I deem a change is in order.

I guess what I’m getting at is that self reflection and change shouldn’t be reserved for January 1^st. It should occur throughout the year.  That being said, in the spirit of New Year’s, I can’t have a reseolutions post without a resolution.

So.  If I had to implement a resolution right now, it would be to indulge more. This seems strange because most resolutions deal with gaining more self control. But I’ve come to notice that I rarely (if ever) indulge myself. 98% of the time, my mind is in the future. What do I need to do tomorrow? Will I ever get a job? Will so-and-so like me? I spend so much time trying to anticipate the next step that I rarely allow myself to enjoy the present. Why not spend time journaling tonight? Why not go for a run? Why not buy those amazing shoes? If I don’t learn to enjoy the present when I’m young, debt free, and unattached, there’s no way I’ll ever be content. Structure and order only go so far. Then comes human nature. And the desire to indulge is at the core of human nature.